Flickr photo from xsomnis

Call me Mrs. Sweets. I’m so sweet I’ll melt in the rain. I love sweets. But the sweets don’t love me. Actually they don’t love anyone. The sugar aka white demon crystals are just bad for everyone.

Unlike broccoli. Unless you smother it in cheese…well then, so long healthy veggie.

The past 90 days I’ve consumed sweets here and there, sure have; however, the past two days the raging sweet tooth I’ve had is crazy. Two glasses of soda, two donuts, and a cupcake all have gone down the hatch over the course of the past two days. I’ve tried to hit the reset button after I had one sweet but then later in the day I’d find myself with another sweet in my hand. So then I figured, day two, no problem! It’s a new day. Not exactly.

In the past I would let one fast food meal out, one heavy helping of ice cream, a handful of mint Oreos, etc and the junk would just compile and later I’d think, “What healthy food choices? No thanks.” Not now. I know my body doesn’t need this food–but who can honestly say their body benefits from that junk? No one. The difference is I’m taking notice and really trying my best to make a better choice. I have to. I refuse to go back to where I was around mid-November of last year….my highest weight.

After losing 15 pounds so far….oh yeah…I didn’t tell you:

I’ve lost 15 pounds!!

But those 15 pounds are not going back on my body. My knee is better and doesn’t click as loudly when I go up stairs. My clothes fit significantly better. Plus, I feel great!

So sugar, you’re going to lose this battle. I will stay on course with a healthy diet for my food choices. I will keep at my goals.

I will power through, you evil temptress.

What’s your weakness? Sugar? Carbs? Salt?

How do you get back on track and crack that craving?

Errrr I mean Happy Valentine’s Day!

Jon and I aren’t doing anything huge tonight. We decided our gift needed to be homemade. Jon gravitated towards cooking and I went the other direction with baking.

Because I’ll be home late tonight after my nutrition class at the gym, Sunday Jon made me an early Valentine’s Day gift meal of filet mignon (no bacon), fingerling potatoes with green beans and onion, crab cakes (holy moly!) and a nice salad. Delicious is the word to describe the meal! Tonight I’m going to make cheesecake stuffed strawberries for our special dessert. I found some plump strawberries at Whole Foods the other day and they were on sale otherwise I wouldn’t have bought them (organic strawberries, off season, are typically $9/carton at Whole Foods–no thanks!). I have to promise myself to not pop too many of those strawberry morsels in my mouth tonight.

My gift to him? Chocolate chip banana bread. The man loves him some chocolate chip banana bread. Considering I haven’t made it in a year I’m pretty sure I’ll have to hide the second loaf in the freezer or he’ll devour it.

Hope you all have a great Valentine’s Day!

Do you ever feel like you really cannot make it to the gym?

I’ve had those days, of course, and today is one of them.

For the past 12-weeks I have made it to the gym every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at least. Around mid-December I threw in Saturdays with Zumba. Early January I added in yoga on Sundays and a small cardio session on Tuesdays before my nutrition class. My only day I wasn’t walking into the gym was Thursdays, my off night aka my TV night. I’m actually going to be changing over to an “every day at the gym” type schedule soon. With the trainer twice a week and then either classes or workouts on my own, there will be something on the schedule to do for myself and my body every day. I’m excited!

But now I’m dragging feet with the class I’m almost finished with. The 12-week class meets together for an hour every MWF with one day of strength training and the other two cardio. I was told it would be the other day around when I joined the class: two days of strength and one of cardio. I can do cardio on my own. That’s fine. Right now cardio in terms of treadmill or elliptical aren’t my favorites but that’s okay. I know I’m just out of shape and I am improving. That’s a huge deal for me because I’m noticing the difference and I love that! The gripe I have is that over the past 12-weeks our workouts really haven’t changed all that much. I can tell people are getting bored and some just don’t show up. This class is extra on top of the monthly membership by the way. The problem is I don’t think the trainer is supposed to deviate from the program format, from what I understand.

Anyway, back to the gym and today, I’m not going tonight. Instead, I think I’ll go home, work on dinner with my husband (he normally cooks since I’m at the gym-bless him!) and then we’ll watch a nice movie and snuggle down for the evening because it’s freakin’ cold around here. I’m so ready for spring!

I’m not sure what it is about today. Is it because it’s Friday that I don’t want to go to the gym? Is it because I’m bored with the class and thisclose to being done? Or am I just tired and in need of no gym today? Who knows. I’m not going to feel guilty about not going. I want to stick with this healthy lifestyle and if that means I don’t go sometimes, then so be it, that’s life.

But I do know tomorrow I’ll be back at the gym. Tomorrow is Saturday, that means strength training and Zumba. I just hope and pray Heather doesn’t decide to throw in her killer squats she likes to do now and then!   ::whimper::

Hope you guys have a great weekend!

Just thought I’d share this song…it’s very Zumba-like, right? I wonder if Gina over at Fitnessista has heard this song before.

*The title totally made me think of Monica’s song back in the 90′s. Wow, flashback.

I weighed 131 pounds and thought I was fat.

In all actuality I looked fantastic and was in shape! At the time I didn’t think I was fat because someone said I was. Instead I was in the 7th grade with so many girls who weren’t anywhere near puberty and still weighed around 95 pounds dripping wet. I was on a dance team both years of middle school and it was difficult being the only one wearing the largest top available for the uniform because of my chest. That year  I was also in a girl’s weight lifting class because I didn’t want to take gym and try to climb the rope, which was never going to happen and so embarrassing. Because of that class I had legs any Hollywood actress would have died for and looking back my body was fantastic, but again, I thought I was fat.

Over the course of middle school I went through a rough patch. My good friends I had from over the years moved to the popular girls group (I didn’t fit in) and I was alone for the most part. Thus the beginning of eating my feelings. I would put on 30 pounds by the end of my 8th grade year. I also can’t forget the relentless teasing bullying I received because I had a larger chest than most girls, my weight issue, very short curly hair and a long German last name people easily made fun of. I was a walking billboard for boys and some girls to just pick at and I think that also led to my weight gain because I didn’t know how to handle it. Once I went to the recreation center with my mom to workout on the treadmill and a guy I went to school with saw me. The next day he made fun of me for working out because I was fat and told everyone I was trying to workout because I was “so fat”. I spent the lunch hour crying in the bathroom.

Throughout high school I maintained around 180 pounds, which for my height that is of course too much. I knew it but I didn’t do anything about it. My little effort to workout were a session here and there of step aerobics at the local community center or a kickboxing class. Basically I knew nothing about living healthy and working out with a good balance in life.

In college I lived at home and again gained more weight, hovering near 200 pounds, and worked as a carhop for a while at a fast food restaurant. Fast food, of all places to work, but all the speed walking I did improved my endurance and I soon found out I could run for 20-30 minutes at a time on a treadmill and not feel winded. I was shocked! When I graduated and moved to Colorado the running stopped because any physical effort felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. The lack of oxygen at 6,000 feet really makes a difference. Even then, at the age of 22 or so, I still didn’t know what I was doing with my health and exercise.

Not long after moving to Colorado Springs I started working in retail and with all the walking, squatting, lifting, moving displays and pulling a couch from the stack in the back stockroom, well, I started to shed weight. I dropped 25 pounds in about three months. Because of the physical nature of my job I was stronger and leaner than I had been in a long time.

A few years later I took a desk job, where I still work, and I believe every year my butt started to fill up the seat more and more. The weight has crept on and at times I somehow didn’t notice. Well, not until I woke up one day and my pants basically didn’t fit. How does that seem to happen overnight?!

I’m so sorry this is long. I promise it’ll end soon!

Since moving to Colorado in 2004 I have joined three gyms at various points throughout that time and never once attended the gym on a regular basis. Ever. I had good intentions. We all do. But I couldn’t/didn’t keep with it. When I was single I didn’t cook because I hated so many leftovers, plus I wasn’t all that knowledgeable in the kitchen.  I joined Weight Watchers in early June 2009 and by the end of July I had lost 15 pounds! I was eating less and making better choices.  I weighed 207 then, so before I lost the weight I was at my high of 222.  My husband (fiancé at the time) was so helpful, encouraging and supportive because he too knew what it felt like to struggle with weight and several years earlier had lost 60+ pounds himself just moving more and eating less; however, three months after joining WW I lost motivation, I’m not sure where it went but it took a trip, and I stopped going to WW every week and following the plan.

I gained back the 15 pounds plus five more.

Then the year came to plan our wedding. People, I have never in my life been so stressed for such an extended period. I didn’t put on weight during that year and “maintained” but I also didn’t try to do anything about it. I didn’t think I could stick with it, like history had proved. The week of my wedding I lost five pounds and checked in at 227. While my dress was flattering for a woman my size and it was the only one I found that made me happy….I still felt like a whale on my wedding day. I should have felt amazing and beautiful. Instead I felt self-conscious.

Over the next year after our wedding I gained more weight settling into married life, comfort foods abound and eating out too much. Sometimes I was eating out for lunch during the work week every single day. Fast food is expensive. Fresh, healthy food is expensive. Food is just freakin’ expensive! I believe it was around August of 2011, right after I had finished another two month round with Weight Watchers and just didn’t stick with it, that I realized I was addicted to sugar and fast food. Exactly like an addict can be dependent on their drug of choice. My issue throughout my life has never been alcohol – I think most of it tastes horrible, or drugs – never tried a single one…but my issue was food. The problem with food is you need it to live. Well we need water more than food but you know what I mean. Every emotion I can experience I would attach food to celebrate, mourn, comfort, you name it. It’s a sickness.

By late October 2011 I finally met with my nurse practitioner and the rest is history on where I’m at now. Metabolic syndrome/PCOS, bad blood chemistry levels, lack of exercise, horrible diet and I was on the road to a questionable future. Plus I was so unhappy with myself it caused mild depression. I also worried I’d never have children because of my choices. Could I have possibly got pregnant at this weight? Yes. Would I have had issues? Yes. Did I want that to happen? No. I might be pushing it to wait to have a child because I turn 30 soon, but my husband and I both want me in a healthy place before we even start to think about kids until I’m ready.

And I’m on my way.

How can I resist when his fee is 25% off?! Such a good deal!

Here’s how we met…

Saturday morning I went to the gym early before Zumba to weigh-in for the gym’s 90-Day Challenge they were starting. I weighed in, celebrated I lost a little from the week before and went on my way to talk to a trainer. With my team class ending soon I really hoped I could get a trainer for a few sessions to give me a strength training workout to follow for a little while. But personal training sessions are expensive. Like the lowest is $79/hour expensive. Ouch.

I sat down with Carrie to go over my goals for the 90-Day Challenge, what I wanted to do over that time and if I had any questions. We got to talking about my weight and I want to be healthy in the coming future so my husband and I can try for a baby. She smiled and said she had another client who had the same goal and she lost the weight and now the gal is pregnant! That was so nice to hear! I don’t hear it often that women are trying to lose weight so they can get pregnant. Usually they just want to lose weight and feel better, which is important too and what I want, but a baby is an ultimate goal.

That’s when I found out personal training sessions are 25% off to members enrolled in the challenge. I really couldn’t pass up the offer. I bit the bullet, and any fun spending I might want to do over the next three months, and signed up to meet twice a week for three months with a trainer.

I’m super excited!

I love to lift weights and the thought of muscle, and all its benefits, really has me motivated. I heard from the trainer I was matched with, Ritchie, and I start sessions with him on the 21st of this month. Every Tuesday and Thursday I’ll workout with him for an hour and then every Saturday before Zumba I’ll do some weights on my own.

I figure three days of weights, four days of cardio and one day of yoga, not bad!

Let’s just hope Ritchie and I mesh well and he really pushes me to my fullest potential. Otherwise, we’ll have to break up and I’ll find another trainer. Time and money I do not waste!

By the way, the Zumba class was a special 1 1/2 hour class in the gym instead of in the studio. By the one hour mark I was ready to be done. I was give in! But I wanted to make it the entire class so I pushed on. Heather really brought it with some great music, moves and just encouragement. She’s also hilarious too with her sass and expressions. I burned 1002 calories in the class alone. Yeah, 1002. Holy crap, right?

Have you ever worked out with a trainer? Any tips/suggestions you have for me?

This week has been a little off for me. Half the time I ate well and the other half of the time I tanked. I choose the unhealthy option or pick mashed potatoes for my “veggie” at dinner instead of broccoli or other good greens. I’ve found when I read my fitness magazines I get inspired and pumped up to keep going and get back on track. One of my favorites is Oxygen magazine. I find the models in the magazine to be very inspiring but at the same time a little intimidating! HA!

Are a set of six pack abs and competing in a fitness competition my goal right now? No. Will I ever strut around on a stage in a bikini for a competition ::snort:: I don’t think so. But nice abs and toned arms would be nice! Right now my current focus is losing weight and eating right, nothing more, nothing less.

But back to Oxygen.

What I love about the magazine is they really push for great nutrition, great workouts, proper form and amazing success stories. The sole focus is health and fitness. Not the best lipstick pick for 2011 or pages of “fashionable” clothes that are mismatched and I’d never ever wear. Don’t get me wrong, I love my other magazines and I love to know about the best beauty picks, but I go elsewhere for that info. Oxygen I get what I’m looking for. Eating clean is a huge focus within the magazine. Right now I’m not 100% there but I’m working on eating a cleaner diet. I also try to live by the 90/10 rule:

90% of the time I eat right, make great choices and do what’s best for my body. The other 10% I will eat indulgent desserts, have some fries or not workout that day because I really could use a cozy evening watching a movie instead.

And I see nothing wrong with that.

I know nachos and desserts are not part of the clean eating way of life. I also know if I never ate those foods again my life would not be a happy one. Everyone needs to indulge and enjoy now and then. Right?

So about my week with the ups and downs. I sit down, read my magazines and think about how I can get back on track. Today for a snack I had some Greek yogurt with frozen strawberries. I let the strawberries thaw out over the course of the day so the natural juices help sweeten the yogurt. Chop up the strawberries into little chunks, mix the yogurt and fruit together and add a little Truvia to help break the tartness of the Greek yogurt. That strawberry yogurt fluff mixture was so good and filling!

I may not be perfect at this healthy eating thing just yet. I’m not sure anyone really ever is.

But I’m trying to improve.

How do you get back on track after some ups and downs with the eating choices you make?

But I love them all!

When I started this weight loss/lifestyle change blog I started it for me. That hasn’t changed, no, but I find myself dreaming about the day I make huge strides and my “after” pictures will shock the pants off people. I want that! Is that vain?

One of the blogs I love to read, and it comes from a woman who lost 135 pounds, is that of Andie at Can You Stay for Dinner?. Her writing is a breath of fresh air. She’s currently in the works to write her first book and she has signed to write two! Amazing!

She posts delicious recipes, talks about the struggles of losing the weight that she did, about her wonderful mother, and answers (in great length) reader/fan emails and posts her replies on her blog. I love the gal! She even wrote about what she misses from 135 pounds ago. She’s honest. I know she’s not blowing smoke.

Last night I was thinking about the changes I’m already noticing in my body. I wanted to share those changes, but I wondered if anyone, well, gave a rats butt about the little things. But this is my blog. This is like a journal. I used to keep a journal throughout my growing pain years—I should find those and read the silly things I would write about boys—and so I’ve decided to start a “Body Journal”. Andie’s post about what she misses from 135 pounds ago got me thinkin’ I should be as open as I can about the changes I’m going through. You don’t see most bloggers write that they do miss the taste of a fifth slice of pizza. But it’s true. And I’m sure if more were honest with themselves they’d say the same. Pizza is freakin’ delicious.

Don’t lie.

I’ve always consider myself an open book to most people, and I’m loud, so why not do the same on my blog? For example:

• My jeans are no longer snug. My jeans used to cut into my stomach so much it hurt.

See, open, honest! I used to look in the mirror after wearing my jeans all day and I’d have redness all around my waist. It hurt. It was uncomfortable. It wasn’t pretty. If I was in an accident and a paramedic had to cut my pants off, which I would realize later because I lived through it, I would be mortified. Another reason why you should always wear clean and pretty underpants!

But about that tight jeans business, I’m sure anyone who is overweight, trying to lose weight, has lost weight or going through bloat that time of the month will relate. Plus, I like that I can one day reflect back on what I’ve accomplished. I can remind myself that if I’m stuck at a plateau or I gained a few back – the world is not ending. All I’ll have to do is click on the category on my blog entitled “Body Journal” and I can quickly read my wins, big or small!

How about some more?

• My shirt no longer hugs my stomach because it actually fits now.
• When I’m sitting down, and look at my keyboard…as I just did…my stomach no longer sticks out farther than my girls!
• I no longer believe I look pregnant.
• My face is slimmer. Definitely slimmer.
• I feel confident!
• I’ve lost 13 pounds!

Those changes are what I’ve noticed in the past few weeks and I’m just thrilled. Enough so I can tear up with joy!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and the weather is kind in your city. I plan to drag my husband to see “One for the Money” and I cannot wait! The book was fantastic and I want to read more of the series as soon as life slows a little more–I get sucked into a book and cannot put it down.

What have you noticed about your body lately that can bring on, what I like to call, happy tears? Remember, only positive stuff here people.

With the weight loss I’ve worked hard to achieve lately I’ve noticed how I’m feeling about my features lately. I do a little more for my eyes in the morning than the normal swipe of a beige color. Doing so my eyes pop and I don’t look so tired!

Bobbi Brown Lipstick in Brown

Another beauty change I’ve made, I wear lipstick. I know that sounds silly but I used to never bother. What for? I didn’t want to draw attention to my face. It was super round. Now I’m turning to my Bobbi Brown lipstick more often and I love that my smile pops a little more when I flash my pearly whites! The color I wear is a great neutral for most women and is is a medium pink brown color, not “brown” as you might think. From what I remember also, Brown is Bobbi Brown‘s favorite color and a play on her last name. Fun!

Now I just need to find some better clothes to wear because my closet hasn’t seen a new top in about a year and a half or so. I know, not cool. I also need to go shoe shopping. I hesitate to spend really good money on clothes right now because I know I’ll slink out of them eventually, but I still need some nice clothes in the process so we’ll see what I can find.

Plus-sized gals out there, where do you do your clothes shopping? I love Eddie Bauer’s clothing style. I’m not a hip/trendy dressing gal so I do find it hard to go shopping because most of the clothes are just too fancy/trendy that I’d never try—but I’d love to hear your suggestions!

Something to Think About:

I’m not competing with others. I’m competing with myself.

I feel a little silly that I used something I said recently while working with my instructor at the gym, but it’s true. And I want others to realize, if they haven’t already, they shouldn’t compare themselves to others and how well they’re doing. Compete with yourself to be the best you can be! I’m not competing with others to out do them in squats or how long I can hold a plank.

Instead, it’s all about me, myself and I.

I’m working to improve my health and this battle is with myself. I’ve put myself where I was back in October at my heaviest. I made those choices. Now I’m competing to undo what I’ve made as a habit and a lifestyle.

I’m going to win.

I joked with a friend of mine that moving more, a lot more, and making better food choices is paying off, and actually working! Imagine that. Who’d a thunk it?! HA Until now I had never lost weight with the combo of exercise and healthy eating. I always lacked one of the two. Because of that the “diet” always tanked or my new exercise routine dissolved into dust. I never managed to balance healthy eating with consistent exercise during my weight loss “efforts”. One thing I learned early in my nutrition class:

Successful weight loss is factored by my food choices (80%) and exercise (20%)

I need both to continue to lose weight and live healthy, but I had no idea my diet was 80% of the battle.

In the past the only other way I’ve tried to lose weight was with Weight Watchers. Yes, I lost more while on WW than any other attempt before; however, there was something with WW for me that never seemed to keep me going and sticking with the program. And no, I never took diet pills. Never tried liquid diets. And definitely never went on crazy fad diets or shot myself up with “weight loss hormones”. And I never will.

But I think I’ve found what works for me. The tried and true get off my ass and move more, plus healthy choices about what goes in my mouth.

Also known as a better lifestyle.

Those ten pounds I’ve lost didn’t happen in a week. Heck no. We all know losing weight like that in a week is just water weight and not fat and also not healthy. Instead, my weight loss transpired from mid-November through this past Monday. A little slower than I wanted but I did make it through the holidays without eating my weight in stollen or Mexican Wedding Cookies, a great feat in itself! I still have a long way to go but right now my next goal is to lose another eight pounds before my next doctor’s appointment in February. When that happens I can walk in there 18 pounds healthier.

I’m aiming for another amazing six days this week at the gym. If only I could end each workout with a yoga class like I did yesterday afternoon! Sunday was a nice day: sleeping in, wholesome breakfast, grocery shopping, an hour of yoga followed by a warm shower and watching football while snuggled up with my husband.

Oh, and to celebrate my 10 pounds down, I went for a pedicure Saturday afternoon. I think the pink/gold sparkle color is fun and makes me smile!

How was your weekend? What was your highlight?

I love DailyMile. The website is so easy to use and just a fun way to view how my workouts stacked up for the week. The above is a view of how many times I worked out in the past week. Yup, count ‘em, 1-2-3-4-5! Five! I’ve never worked out that much in a week. Lately with my lifestyle changes I’ve been achieving a lot of “firsts ever” and I’m loving it!

Monday: TEAM Fitness – Weights

Wednesday: TEAM Fitness – Cardio

Friday: TEAM Fitness – “Fun Friday” aka Hell (50 mins of stair climber and 10 mins rowing machine)

Saturday: Zumba

Sunday: Active Rest Day – Yoga

You’ll notice the two on Wednesday, that’s how many miles I went. We did a lot of incline work, on and off the treadmill, holding squats on the floor and then back to the machine. I enjoy those workouts the most.

Are you on DailyMile? If so let’s be workout buddies, shall we? You can find me here!

I have off today for Martin Luther King Day and I’m about to take Chester to the groomer’s because he’s woolly and tad smelly. I meanwhile will hit up a Zumba class around noon and then back to the gym again this evening for my TEAM class. I’ll explain TEAM in a coming post so stay tuned!

So how was your weekend? Was it active? Mine was, yes, but I made a big mistake last night with my food choice. I grabbed Jimmy John’s for dinner because we were tired and didn’t feel like cooking in the kitchen. My double turkey, avocado spread, bean sprouts, cucumber slices and lettuce on soft French bread was not too bad considering I could have done much worse with a big burger (+ cheese). But I added in a bag of regular kettle chips and a jumbo chocolate chip cookie and after I ate it all I felt horrible. Oh, don’t forget the regular sized Cherry Coke.

Oh man. My stomach hurt. I could feel all the sugar. And the grease on the chips. I’ve done a really good job of limiting sugars in my diet lately and choosing my carbs wisely–but still enjoy bread/potatoes so I don’t go out of my mind. But I haven’t had a full can/bottle/medium sized soda in about two months and the sugar was hitting me. Same goes for french fries, or this case chips, I’ve tried to sub veggies or a salad instead of that typical “side dish” for a meal if you happen to eat out.

I hope to remember how I felt and remember next time to think back and make a better choice.

Have you had a situation like that recently when you let your choices slip? It’s not fun, is it?